Okay. So clearly I am
not keeping up with this blog. In my
defense, I hardly have time to do much of anything with my (almost) 9 month old
and my full-time job occupying me time. I
am learning through therapy (with a licensed clinical social worker /woman who
had gastric bypass 9 years ago) and self-reflection that putting my own needs
first is going to be a HUGE obstacle for me to overcome. I am only able to write today because I had
to stay home from work because I had a seizure this morning…my first one in
about four years. The stress of new
mommyhood, work, clutter that I never seem to find the time to clean-up, and
weight loss efforts apparently got the best of me. I’m disappointed, but am trying to look at
this “mandatory bed rest day” as an excuse to relax and do some things I enjoy…like
blogging.
There is so much to talk about, I can’t possibly do it all
in one post (or in the 30 minutes before the nanny leaves). I’ll hit some of the highlights and try to elaborate
in future posts.
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I have stuck-scale syndrome. I’ve made a tremendous number of positive
lifestyle changes and the scale has barely budged. I’m down a total of about four pounds. But I’ve been bouncing up and down in that
four pound range for months. It is
really discouraging to put in the work I put in (physically and mentally), to
give up some of the foods I really enjoy, and to be brutally honest with myself
at every turn, only to have the scale ignore my efforts. I know it shouldn’t be about the scale, but
when you are fighting for a surgery date four months away and getting that date
requires a loss of about 15 pounds by October 15th, the lack of
progress on the scale is demoralizing.
Still…I’ve stuck with it. I haven’t
quit (even though the voice in my head just said “yet”), and I am NOT going to
fail this time.
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I found support.
YAY SUPPORT!!! I am now going to
the weekly weight loss support group at the hospital I will be having surgery
at. I could go on forever about all I
have learned there, and all of the ways I have been inspired. But, that’s better left for another post. What I will say is that when I opened up
about my lack of support from friends, family and my husband…I left the meeting
with seven numbers of people who were instantly encouraging to me. They were virtual strangers, but they were
willing to offer their time and energy to me, to help me on my journey. I still get tears in my eyes thinking about
it. The only other place I have felt
that kind of instant love and support is in an infertility support group I used
to belong to. There are some parallels
between the two groups. For one, I am
entering WLS feeling like I am a failure and fearful that I will never get to
the place I know I need to, and am meant to be at. Another similarity is that I can tell already
I am going to make some lifelong friends.
No matter how alone you may feel in the place you are in…whether related
to obesity, or infertility, or chronic illness…there ARE others with similar
situations. You aren’t alone. That thought is enough to keep me going.
-
I am starting to view “success”
differently. Success may have nothing to
do with the number on the scale (though I wish I could have some success there,
too). Success is realizing areas that my
life needs improvement and putting in the work to improve those areas. Success is finding the strength to stick with
something that is really hard…even when it is uncomfortable and seems
helpless. Success is sometime saying “No”
to others when they are engaging in behavior or asking you to engage in
behavior that isn’t in your best interest.
Success is seeing this as a journey that will last a lifetime…not a race
to a number on the scale.
Like I said, this is really just the tip of
the iceberg on all the things I want to talk about…and all of my experiences
thus far. It feels so good typing this,
I really hope I can get more diligent with this blog. Until then, I just want to say that I am
grateful for those of you who are still out there, following my journey and
perhaps supporting me from afar. I write
this blog as a help to myself…a place to cut the BS and be honest with
myself. But I truly hope it is helpful
to others on their journeys.
Talk to you soon,
Princess of Plump
