Support...or lack thereof

I received a lot of materials from the bariatric program I am enrolled in (hereinafter "the program").  One of the worksheets dealt with determining who will and won't support me on my weight loss journey, how I will deal with those who might sabotage my weight loss efforts, and what I can do proactively to keep a sabotage from occurring.  I breezed right through a lot of the worksheets I had been given...but this one gave me pause.

My support system is a little thin.  When I told my mother about my plan to pursue WLS, she flipped out and said she didn't know how someone so smart could be so stupid.  When I told a couple of my friends at a dinner, one of them told me that, while she would support whatever I decided, I should think long and hard about it because her uncle who is a doctor told her that WLS takes 10 years off your life.  She was clearly concerned and clearly not in favor of WLS.  Another friend responded to my announcement by saying that she knew lots of people who had WLS and they all gained their weight right back.  Even the friends who were "fully supportive" gave equivocal responses and kept saying "maybe you won't even need the surgery."  I feel blessed that I have such good friends that they would worry about my well-being...and I know that is where their responses are coming from...care and concern.  But, I don't know if I can put those friends down in the "Supportive of Your WLS Decision" column.  Supportive of me...yes.  Supportive of my decision to have WLS...not so much.

And then there's my husband.  He refuses to give an opinion about WLS.  Something so important...so serious...with serious repercussions on our future...and he says he has no opinion.  I shouldn't be surprised...he won't even give an opinion about where we should go out to eat, what we should have for dinner, or what we should watch on TV.  His whole family does the whole "no opinion" thing.  I think they have an overactive fear that if they give an opinion and something goes wrong or is bad, they will get blamed because it was their idea.  If I'm right about that, it makes sense that my husband wouldn't want to take a position on something as big as a major surgery.  But let's be honest...he MUST have an opinion...he just doesn't want to share it.  I've tried to decode what he has said.  Mainly, he said "I don't want to give you an opinion because I don't want to push you into anything."  In my mind, that means he wants me to have the surgery, but doesn't want me to feel like he's pushing me to do it.  I've tried to explain to him that I need him to at least talk with me about the surgery option.  I need him to help me sort out how I am feeling about everything.  I've explained that, by not even discussing the pros and cons of the surgery options with me, he is being unsupportive.  He doesn't seem to care.  He wants to stay out of this, leaving me feeling very, very alone with this decision.

Worse...he's not able to be supportive of the small lifestyle changes I've already made.  He comes home late and wants me to eat with him at 9:30 p.m....which I will no longer agree to do because I shouldn't be eating dinner so late.  He wants me to eat the crappy food he likes...the food that gets me into trouble.  For example, tonight I made chili turkey burgers.  Not a diet recipe, but a high protein low-carb recipe that is a step in the right direction for me.  My husband whined and complained and kept trying to get me to order delivery instead.  "You must be tired...you don't have to cook tonight."  "We can have turkey burgers tomorrow night...or the night after...or when I'm not home...hahaha."  "You know you don't have to just jump into this diet thing...you can ease into it."  I tried to explain...this is "easing into it," and I need him to be supportive.  His response..."I will be supportive if you just cook things I like.  Why can't we just order pizza and you eat one piece instead of four?"  I've tried to explain...I can't control my portion sizes right now so I have to change what I'm eating and later work on how much I'm eating.  He just doesn't get it.  He has to eat/drink between 4,000 and 5,000 calories a day to put on weight.  He can eat an entire pizza in one sitting and not put on a pound.  How do you get someone who has no idea what it is to struggle with weight loss to stop saying "You just need to control yourself when it comes to food...now lets order pizza."  Really?!?

I don't believe that (with the possible exception of my mother, who luckily lives far away) anyone will try to actively sabotage my lifestyle changes.  But I think it might happen unintentionally.  I think it is already happening unintentionally.  On another night, I might have broken down and agreed to the pizza.  And I wouldn't have had one slice because I never can.  I'm being told by the doctors who do WLS day in and day out that I will not be able to succeed in this journey without support...and I'm not sure where to find it.  On this blog?  In support group?  What about in my own home?  Will my husband come around when he sees I'm committed to this change, or will this become a constant struggle...leaving me having to battle my cravings and bad habits in addition to my husband?